I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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