I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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