You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
