what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
