So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
