I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
