She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
