dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
