Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize