vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
