Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
This house was built for laser tag.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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