honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
