My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
