just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
