Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
