im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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