Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
