I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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