Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize