Plan B is the new Plan A
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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