my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
