Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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