my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
