Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
