Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
