it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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