to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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