I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
