then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
