I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
