dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
