i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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