I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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