The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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