Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
