So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
