when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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