i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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