you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
