New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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