After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize