Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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