so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
