Farmville is her only friend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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