i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
