I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
