My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
