that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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