Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize