Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
