So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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