this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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