I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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