this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
