TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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