Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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