well you can't waste a boner
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
