Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I believe in your delicious
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
