I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
