Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
