I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
