I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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