They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
