I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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