I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize