Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
