It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize