they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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